THE CAST OF CHARACTERS

All of them are in perpetual competition with everyone on planet Earth, including themselves.

ASHURBANIPAL – Minor psychopath ruling a minor kingdom, that of Assyria. Like everyone else, he aspires to conquer the world but resents being forced to stand at the back of the queue.

BEEDLEWOOD – Enthusiastic prophet and cult leader of the Quetzalcoatl Druid Reform Movement. An advocate of free love in a puritanical world, he has the most lecherous smile imaginable.

BUDDY-BOD – A nanotech mentation implant that resents being trapped in the skull of meat puppet Rudwulf. On the other hand, it considers attempting to keep both of them alive a fun challenge.

MARK HANDLY – Former bodyguard to the Emperor Norton of California. Now a mercenary for hire, his immaturity and impulsive violence don’t look good on his resumé.

HERMANN HOREMHEB – German Pharaoh of Egypt. Entirely comfortable with his divine status, he constantly seeks to uncover the apostates in his entourage. Not an easy God to serve.

FUCKY LOO – A nanotech mentation implant in the skull of Myriad. Totally dedicated to keeping her and Rudwulf alive as long as possible.

FUZZ BUCKET – A nanotech mentation implant in the skull of Titus. They work seamlessly together to bugger up the world order on behalf of Mussolini II.

MUSSOLINI II – A wannabe World Emperor, he’s obsessed with offering his vision of a reborn Fascist Roman Empire as the solution to everyone’s problems. He is annoyed that no-one takes him seriously.

MYRIAD – Secretary and bodyguard to Rudwulf. Widely considered to be the deadliest assassin on Earth. Rudwulf considers it a pity she prefers hairy men.

VASCO DE PÁTZCUARO – The Caique of Tzintzuntzan. Everything was going swell till his disastrous economic policies reduced his people to poverty and starvation. Needs to upgrade his public relations propaganda.

RUDWULF – The last living Smiter, he advises world leaders how to protect themselves from their faithful followers. Since his reputation is based on flimflam, ballyhoo and hype, many of his clients want him dead once they realize he doesn’t know what he’s doing. The trick is to get paid and leave town before reality penetrates his employers’ delusional expectations.

WOLFGANG SENEFERU – Son and brother-in-law of Pharoah Horemheb, prone to multiple obsessions due to his father’s habit of killing potential successors. Makes for uneasy family gatherings.

TECHGRID – The worldwide AI responsible for keeping the human race alive. Lately it has become petulant, finicky, and unreliable.

TITUS – Plenipotentiary and Chief Factotum for Mussolini II.  Titus considers himself a better diplomat than Machiavelli, Metternich, and Kissinger combined, or would if he had ever heard of them.

TIZOC – The Tecuhtli, Great Speaker, and Lord of the Spears of the modern Azteca Empire. He can’t wait to reintroduce human sacrifice. He’s particularly keen on constructing his first skull rack.

TLALOC – Competent but temperamental captain of the coastal trading vessel Flores. He resents the fact that no-one appreciates his artistic talent.

OLAF TRYGGVASON – Former bodyguard to the Emperor Norton of California. Now a mercenary for hire, he draws comfort from his faith in his ancestral Norse Gods.